I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
