Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
