life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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