I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
