I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
