kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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