you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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