We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
