Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
