what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sex in a hospital.. check
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
