Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
