I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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