please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They took my balls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
