if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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