we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would fuck him just for his dog
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
