There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
