He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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