i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
