the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
