he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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