I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
