was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
