i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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