Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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