you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
