What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
