I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You left your phone here
Wait...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
