you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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