i think my mom watched the whole time
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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