just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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