she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We got so high we made milksteak
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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