I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
