I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
