I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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