I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
