I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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