check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
