Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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