At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
