I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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