toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we're chasing vodka with high fives
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
