Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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