Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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