Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
