Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
