I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
