It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
