Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
