you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
