i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
