I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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