i think my tv is drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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