Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
