my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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