Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
