I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
